What Happened To Her?
by Teh-Energetic-Emo-Kid
Summary: Sakura has a mental break down... Kisame finds her diary and reads them... no story, and my friend has the exact same story up for a sasusaku THIS IS A KISAXSAKU! rated M for language and thoughts of suicide.
1. First Entry of Sakura

If I kill myself will you still be by my side like you promised the day we first met under the stars and trees with leaves falling like our own little storm to seclude us from the rest of the world.

Will you still be the one that helps me trust again or are will you turn into a monster that wants to destroy all of my precious memories of the only time when I was loved for who I was and not what I wasn't.

No matter how hard I think, I can't tell if you'll be hurting or helping me find my own world to lie in when I finally leave this heal of a place we call Earth because I can't stay here forever like you want me to.

Life is getting harder and harder to bear when you aren't by my side like you used to be because back then you were all mine but now I have to share you with some girl that doesn't deserve your love unlike me, who should get it.

Love is a bitch if you don't know how to treat it right like we used to know how until I was caught without you and before all these scars appeared on my body letting me remind myself of you every time I look at my wrists.

When I drain myself of my red life what do you think is going through my mind other than painful thoughts of you and me back in my oldest lifetime when you still kept your word or at least didn't let me find out.

This life is something I wasn't supposed to go through alone but look at me now I'm alone and loveless like my worst nightmares because you aren't here anymore to love me like you promised damn it.

My nightmares are now becoming either reoccurring or real in my eyes of fear as you lie there with the other girl on the bed we used to share on the nights I ran away from the fear of my home that would have killed me.

You were my only way of trying to live but now that I don't' have you I see no reason to live amongst this hell of a life you all love so much that you say was made to love and hate other people who weren't yourself.

Fears and insecurities are starting to eat away at me again because now that you are back to trying to get me back I can't do anything because I know you don't love me the way you used to before you met that bitch.

Let me in once again and maybe I'll show you what you've done to my soul with out even knowing it had happened every night since you walked out on my in the rain because I wouldn't let you do what you wanted.

Now I'm better and I think I still won't let you have your way with me because I have more self esteem than that and I like to believe I have more to offer to you than my body that will never be yours.

How do you like my new life the one I created with out your help and the one you almost prevented from ever having taken form with your simple words that most people wouldn't understand after me crying like I did for so long after you left me .

Am I so worthless that some random slut could take my place and the slut wasn't even what you normally wanted she was so used she didn't understand you trying to give her your feelings that belonged to me that you were afraid of me knowing existed

When I feel like letting you know how I feel I'll show you the rivers of tears that have your name all over them because you came so close to killing me in an easy 5 words that would crush anyone "I don't like you anymore"

I loved you and now I think I have to get you out of my mind before I go insane!!!


	2. Second Entry of Sakura

I'm sorry that you thought I'd stay here forever with you, but it's time for me to go and live life the way I want to not the way you want me to

I remember when I loved you so much that I couldn't be fazed my anything anyone said about me until it was you who was talking

Why does my life have to suck so much when everyone else gets to have a happy life I guess I'm the one who has to suffer for everyone else to be alright

Do you know how often I sit at home whishing you were there to comfort me and that you were only mine and I never had to share you

My whole life the guys I've know have all been cruel because they thought that I didn't have a heart or I wasn't in need of attention

Now I have oh wait I meant had you all my own but now you don't care so now I think you're turning into one of them

Every night I lay awake crying my eyes out because no one cares about me and I know I'll always be alone no matter what people say to me

Smiles are evil aren't they I mean people are always asking me for smiles and I can't take it much longer because I have no reason to smile these days

If I groveled at your feet would you ever take me back because I'm so close to doing that if that's what you want to happen

Have you ever heard my saying " My perfect meadow was when you were here with me, but now that you're gone I can't see through this blizzard" it's true

I wish we could have a moment like when we first met I mean you saved me from doing the unthinkable then and I owe you my life

If I dress up for you like a little princess will you take me and play with me I would be your dolly if you told me to be it

Love makes me your slave for some reason that I can't explain although I would love to know why I can't live without you here

Please treat me right because I can't live without someone there to help hold me up so I can face the world once again

I'll live underground if I can't have you because I can't stand the light I know you possess somewhere out there with others

All my scars are running into each other now because there isn't enough places for me to scar so you can see what my life is like without you

Let me go insane so that I can show everyone what has been kept inside of me for so long that you never wanted people to know you could do

to a person

Free me and I will hunt you down and make sure you learn to love another person before I kill you with my own two hands

Carving out your heart will be my trophy to let me know that I can live without someone there guiding me through everything in life

I'll let the stars be your resting place as long as you promise me you won't kill another soul with your looks of hate and disgust towards others

Eternally I am yours but I don't think that any of us want that anymore because I know you can't care for a different being other that you

We'll live in peace as long as I can kill you without killing myself first because I can't haunt you without wanting to see you happy

Make me happy please because you know I would do anything for you and now that you're gone I can't take these nights any longer


	3. Third Entry of Sakura

Let me have this last dance with you because I don't think I'll ever be able to have the heart to dance again

I need to know what you're thinking because it's driving me insane to the point where I am ready to jump

What did I ever to do you to deserve this kind of torture from the one that I love the most and you mean so much to me

If I jumped off the only cliff possible would you be there with me and jump off to get me of to stay that's what matters

Who cares what you think about me as long as I know that you don't hate my guts anymore than I hate life

My dreams aren't getting any better so what do I do now huh because you said they would change with time

Do you still think of me like I think of you or are you thinking of some other girl who isn't me this time

My heart is breaking to a thousand pieces because of you and that girl who's attached to your arm now

I'll sing for you and you had better listen because the lyrics will be from my heart and I'll mean every letter for you

Do you know how much my heart bleeds for your attention at night because you walked out the very door I have to stare at

I hate life and you because you love it and you don't love me anymore do you because you don't want to look at me

Am I so horrible that you can't stand the mere thought of someone like me loving you so unconditionally

I'll follow you to the end of the Earth even in death if I have to follow you where I'm not allowed for what I've done

Do you care anymore that you beat the heart of a girl so thinly that I can't tell if I'm bleeding or not

I think I'm so numb now that I don't know the difference between love and hate and pain of the mind

My soul is breaking and it's all I can to do not cry and cut myself to pieces every night thinking of you

Bleeding hearts aren't a very good thing for a girl my age to have because of the main reason of being gone

Reading and writing can only do so much to ease whatever pain I'm aware of feeling because the majority is numb

Can you find it in your heart to love me again because I miss you so much and you can't understand why

I need you to give my heart back so I won't bother you anymore and then I can give it away to someone else

Love this bad can really depress someone who has no emotional strength like my case of heart ache

Everything I see reminds me of you and I can't take it anymore because I see you even when I think of death

Pain is hard to bear when you have no emotions of physical feelings left because of some perfect guy


	4. 1st entry of Kismae

This is now coming from Kisame.. I'm not sure, but I think I got something of Twilight in here... That was not intentional because I know I wrote this before I ever thought about reading the books.... Also, I was depressed.. So please don't be to brutal about this....

Ermm...... I don't own Naruto.. All I on is the sad, nuerotic writings...

Isn't that right Sakura and Kisame??

**Sakura-**GAHH!!! But yes....

**Kisame-**Yeah, whatever

* * *

My everlasting ain and torture has finally consumed me and now I'm nothing but a shallow blac khole ready to swallow you whole my collection is almost

complete all I need is you to finish it off I woud prefer you alive but you mught justend up dead instead but you're never leaving me again no matter what

happens to myself you are to live for as long as possible I am not above begging for you to listen to my pleas so unless you want some spilt blood pay

attention when I call for you because it's in your best intrest to do so just because I love you doesn't mean I won't hurt you consiously my life means almost

nothing without you do you believe that from someone you call a liar because I was trying to protect you from the ugly truth of what I was no matter what you

think you're never alone as long as you're alive in this world I am your eternal stalker and I can't be kept away any longer now that I've been this close to your

perfection dont' run away anymore because I will always follow you to where ever you may go I have no emotions left to cry about so let's just get this over

with alright and I forgot to say one thing **_I LOVE YOU_**

* * *

I know this was short, but it was waaaaaaay longer on paper...... so... umm... wait for the next installement i guess.......


	5. Fourth Entry of Sakura

I'm screaming for your attention and I can't get it unless I lower myself to the level of a whore for your pleasure. I can't do that because I know I'm better than that and you don't have that power over me anymore. Why can't you see that everyone is trying to be the same to please you while I am the individual that is walking away. Most people see me, and notice that I go against what everyone says, and thinks I'm a hero. What do you think? Do you think that I'm a whore who belongs to you, or do you know that I'm different than the others and that YOU need to try for once? Don't even try to tell me that you don't want me because I see the way you look after me and I hear what you say about me. I know everything about you. How much do you know about me? No more waiting. I can't stand that you don't see me the way you should. If I change for you, would you even care? Don't think so. I will change, but it won't be for you, never for you. No one can control what I do. You can go around and ask anyone. I've scarred guys for trying to control me. They won't come near me unless they are forced. I know what I've done, and I'm not sorry for any of it. Don't tell me what to do unless you know what you're doing. You aren't worth my attention anymore. Good bye.


	6. 2nd entry of Kisame

i sit here and cry while i listen to music designed to cheer me up. secretly i think it has the opposite effect it wanted through me. i want to drown out my suffering with this music that tries to make me smile. all i hear is a bunch of jumbled notes that some idiot strung together and added words to. this isn't fair, you shouldn't have left me here while you're off having the time of your life. come back to me please. i don't think i can live without you much longer. it hurts too much and it isn't right! isn't not right for me to go crazy about this. i only wanted to be with you and look how that's turned out for me. i really hope you come back soon. you have no idea what i've gone through without you here. all i ever here is your voice and i am positive you're haunting my secretly. do you know how long it's taken me to get used to the things you do to my mentality? it's not healthy for me to be this obsessed with you because i can't live without you controlling my thoughts. if you have to be alive, then at least pretend to love me for one night and i will never bother you again for as long as we both live. although you might rip a part of me out and stomp all over it. would you be able to live through that and still see me alive?


	7. Fifth Entry of Sakura

sometimes i want to sit in the corner and cry because you won't even look at me

but now i know that i have everyones' attention no matter what i do this time

does my being a female who can feel and react to what you say and do mean anything

you not responding to me hurts a lot and i don't know how to take it everyday

will you watch me grow and finally realize what we could have been together

i'll make you jealous by hanging around you but not letting you touch like the others

i want to make you suffer for what you put me through while we were still small

you haven't changed over the years like everyone said you would have for me

the people around us don't know how much we can't stand each other so they push

i can't wait for the second we can be apart so that i can get rid of your image

suffer for everything you've made me go through over the span of 5 years of life

no one has any idea how black my heart is right now because of


	8. 3rd entry of Kisame

as i sit here wondering about you and your existence

i want to know what you're thinking about

is it the same as me

can we really be this perfect together

or are you trying to lie to me again

i want to know the truth

are we going to try to make this work

please keep me here and let me love

i want to keep you by my side forever and ever


	9. Sixth Entry of Sakura

i sit here and cry while i listen to music designed to cheer me up. secretly i think it has the opposite effect it wanted through me. i want to drown out my suffering with this music that tries to make me smile. all i hear is a bunch of jumbled notes that some idiot strung together and added words to. this isn't fair, you shouldn't have left me here while you're off having the time of your life. come back to me please. i don't think i can live without you much longer. it hurts too much and it isn't right! isn't not right for me to go crazy about this. i only wanted to be with you and look how that's turned out for me. i really hope you come back soon. you have no idea what i've gone through without you here. all i ever here is your voice and i am positive you're haunting my secretly. do you know how long it's taken me to get used to the things you do to my mentality? it's not healthy for me to be this obsessed with you because i can't live without you controlling my thoughts. if you have to be alive, then at least pretend to love me for one night and i will never bother you again for as long as we both live. although you might rip a part of me out and stomp all over it. would you be able to live through that and still see me alive?


	10. 4th entry of Kisame

waiting so patiently is a task that I'd rather not attempt because I don't think I can make the time pass

only you can keep me occupied for any amount of time without me considering ways to end life

let me show you my inner most thoughts and maybe you will get an understanding for how I feel here

the reason that I cover up so much is so that no one can see the depression I'm going through every day

my blood fascinates me when it starts falling from my skin like you wouldn't believe to be possible

holding onto my sanity is the only thing I can try and do while we're separated from each other here

if you aren't going to be here for me then I see no way that we can be together in reality anymore now

no one knows what I'm capable of because I have no limits when it comes to love and life and hate

so don't count me out of life until I am torn apart by your hands and scattered around the world forever

you can't stop what I've planned for you this time because it's been waiting for you until this moment

escape hasn't been a possibility since the moment you came into my dreams and then my life this time


	11. 5th entry of Kisame

i don't know how long i can stand being this way for long because it hurts every time you look at me and try to smile why are you trying to kill me all the time i will sit here and wait for you forever no matter what happens to me i love you and i hope you know that from the bottom of my heart because i can't live without you my heart is going to fall apart into a million pieces because no one can hold it together anymore now that you're gone


	12. Seventh Entry of Sakura

You don't mean anything to me anymore. You left me and now expect me to come back. I'm not a stupid slut who does what you want. You can come asking me for forgiveness but it doesn't guarantee that you'll get it. I hate you now and I can finally show you how much.


	13. 6th entry of Kisame

i am done trying to be perfect for you because it just puts a strain on what i do with anything else. i may love you, but i am not going to allow you to rule my thoughts the way you used to. you may not even know it, but i think i am losing my attraction to you and i don't know how i feel about that. so go ahead and be the way you are, maybe i will start to like you again. but that decision is up to my heart, not me anymore.


	14. Eighth Entry of Sakura

i think i'm falling in love with someone again, and i don't really want to because i know how much it's going to hurt me in the end. i wish that i could like him without wanting to keep him forever to my self. i really do like him, but i don't want to. i think he likes me, but that's all i know. i can't keep getting attached because it hurts all the time. i think of him, and i know he doesn't think of me the same way. i don't know what to do about it anymore.

can some please come and take away the pain that i have to go through because i'm about to end this pitiful existence that people call life. nothing will make me feel better until i know that he wants me the same way that i want him. i know i'm being silly but i don't know what else to do right now. no one will help me get over him, so i plan to suffer in silence

i honestly think that i'm falling in love, and no one knows how hard it is for me. my last love left me for someone else and i don't want to go through that again. my heart can't take being ripped apart again. i refuse to fall apart completely, but it's getting closer now that i admit it to myself all the time.

my tears are falling faster and faster and harder and harder. i don't know what to do and i'm getting close to the thought of spilling my blood. i don't know how long i can hold off anymore

if i'm gone, then i'm hoping that i won't have these feelings anymore and can finally be happy.


	15. Ninth Entry of Sakura

i can't stand the fact that i can't be with him. i know he wouldn't want me and i know it. waiting like this hurts because it's just prolonging my suffering.


	16. Tenth Entry of Sakura

December 3rd

why can't you see that I care for you so deeply that it's killing me inside all the time to see you unhappy. I swear I will do anything that you need in order to be happy and alive. I'll pay any price that is named if it's for you. I just ask one thing of you and that is to never leave me behind because I wouldn't be able to handle it like normal people.

i belong in an asylum and everyone knows it. The reason I was put here is because I fell in love with someone I couldn't have and I didn't want to let go. I have to be watched because if I find him, then I will kill him and stuff him for my own. I will forever keep him in my closet as soon as he is near again. He'll hang in my closet looking perfect as always. He is forever mine and he should know it.

this separation is not going well for me because I need him in my life and he's not here. I'll travel the world to find him. I want his blood so that I will always feel him. I want to drink his blood and have him live to watch me do it. He's mine and no one can take him away from me. He will never be alone, I will always follow him. Forever is a long time, and I intend to keep it that way.

can you find him for me? I need him here so that we can die together. He knows what I'm planning for him. I can wait until he comes back, but I don't want to. My preparations are almost done. His arrival will be the end and I will no longer be alone. I don't want to be considered a killer, but death is the onl way to stay together. Some people have to realize the truth in that.

death is the only thing that will placate me. You don't have to die, but one of my loves must die with me in order for me to be truly happy. When we die, I will have something to give to you, but not now. My music will fill the void in your heart and you will be fine until you find another care-giver. I love you, but he needs his lesson with me, so I am truly sorry for what is to come.

leaving is the best thing for all. I want to die somewhere I haven't been before. We won't be here when we die, and we won't ever be coming back. My last words to you are going to how I want my death planned. I want you to bury me and my love in whatever country we are found. Another wish is that you cremate half of us each and scatter us through the winds.

GOOD BYE. I LOVE YOU AND YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT FOR ALL ETERNITY.


	17. Author's Note

This will be the last if this story. I had to look around for all the writings I did while going out with the guy who inspired it. If anyone wants to continue this story (who am I kidding? No one wants to continue this!) just PM me and let me know....

Have fun, and I think I will be updating some more stories soon, well, hopefully.....

Last thing to say is that I have been skipping the disclaimer, so here it is....

I do not own the characters of Naruto. I simply own the plot for this story/journal thing, and the way the words turned out.


End file.
